Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Day of 100 Chips

Here's something that I've learned about golf. Write this down (or ctrl-c it, then ctrl-v, then print. either way.)

You'll do pretty well if you just hit the ball straight and reasonably far every time.

You're not going to win any money this way, but you'll impress the retirees hanging out at the golf club all day, watching people post their scores. They won't say anything, but at least they won't look at you like you're a scummy long hair who probably wants to give the country to the commies. Actually, they probably wouldn't say that to you anyway, except that one guy. He looks mean.

Anyway, hitting the ball straight and farther than a little girl can kick a kickball is harder than you think. There are probably 400 ways to mess up a golf shot: hooking it into the fairway on the right of you; slicing it onto the green of the hole to the left of you; grazing the ball with the top of your club only, sending it flying feebly ahead with the direction and speed of Britney Spears' career; digging a hole so large you should have called the electric company before you did it to make sure you weren't interfering with powerlines, and many, many others.

Here, for example, Human Torch and Yak Herder are very likely watching me execute Variant 268: The Cartoon.

This happens when you're at the foot of a green. For those of you less familiar with the game, the green is where the hole is, and usually it's on a raised grassy hill. If you're at the foot of the green, you have to hit it far enough and soft enough that it lands on the green, so you can putt it in.

Here's how it's supposed to look:

If you don't do it that way, you end up looking like a cartoon character, probably Scratchy, hitting the ball clear over the green, running across, hitting it back to the other side of the green, again and again until you turn into butter. Or a mouse replaces the golf ball with an old-timey bomb, like this. Either way, it's an area in need of improvement if you're doing it.

Being an analytical golder, I identified this issue and developed the Day of 100 Chips. I did it for the first time yesterday in the practice area at Altadena golf course. It seemed to help.

If I don't turn into butter or get blown up after my next round, I'll give you a report!

1 comment:

Tommy Mac said...

We DEFINITELY look amused by SOMETHING!!! :)