Not to be confused with namethathole.com, which is an entirely different kind of site if you know what I mean, this post is in response to my good friend, former work colleague and devoted 'GITNC' fan, Phil, who I will refer to as The Joker. Don't worry. He wasn't horribly disfigured in a chemical spill or anything. He just likes a good joke, and everybody on this blog deserves a SuperHero-y name, I feel. (Also, I invite you to amuse yourself with a battle between Batman and the Joker in the worst stop-motion animation ever completed by anyone not trying to be ironic.)
Anyway, the Joker read the post about my catastrophic play on Hole 5 the other day, and the whole riff about naming the fifth hole at the Altadena Golf Course. Frankly, he was disappointed. To quote him:
"Sure 'Suck Zone' does the job, but it leaves me wanting more."
Well, I can't rename Suck Zone, because a Suck Zone by any other name would suck just as completely.
But I can spend some time generating other potential hole names. First, though, I think it's important for us all to get a sense of some existing hole names. Ok, so in Purgatory (which you won't at all be shocked to find out is in Indiana), here are a few of the hole names:
-Pride (ehh)
-Stains of the Inferno (Somebody should have laid off that last Hobbit movie. And stains? Seriously.)
-Impenetrable Fortress (maybe this is like that Iceland/Greenland thing, and this is actually the easiest hole on the course)
-Sweet Misery (Ok, that sounds like it DOES belong on namethathole.com)(BTW, don't go to namethathole.com; you're bound to be disappointed)
Ok, these are boring me. Let's go to Scotland, where they have less to do and therefore more time and energy to devote to naming holes:
-Dyke (Cue Butthead chuckling.)
-Hole O' Cross (Cool sounding, kinda mysterious. I like it.)
-Long
-High
-Heathery (My best friend in high school dated her, I think)
Ok, these are better, but not as imaginative as they could be. Here are a few of my suggestions:
-C&C Cursing Factory. (Everybody golf now.)
-Jack Tripper's Revenge.
-Forest of Syringes (world's first syringe hazard...maybe they could build this hole right along the beach in New Jersey.)
-Moderate Difficulty. (I'm not crazy about that one.)
-The 8th hole, presented by Tostitos. (A couple years later, they'd just rename it the Tostitos Hole, of course.)
-Fight the Bear. (For obvious reasons.)
-The Belly of Elvis
-Cracker Barrel Location #189 (like they need any more.)
-Jacob's Cabin. (Sorry if you're a non-Lostie. You've got to admit, this sounds cool.)
-Delusions-of-Grandeurland
and finally
-Shark Sandwich.
Ok, those are my ideas. I welcome yours in the comments!
Friday, May 16, 2008
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